Food for Thought
by Emmi.Hayes
Summary: A collection of unrelated one shots. Questions about the show brought to light, or just statements that needed to be said, such as: Kurama's ass, Hiei's reproductive system, the cruelty of women, Yusuke's sexuality, and so on. Just something for kicks. About everyone, not just Hiei and Kurama. SPOILERS for the entire anime.
1. Recollecting

**Notes: **No Beta. Inspired by episode29, _Flowers of Blood_, or pretty much just the battle between Rinku and Kuwabara.

**Recollecting**

It was rare that they were able to meet up these days. Being spread across three worlds made it hard to keep dinner plans. So when the group of demons, psychics, and guide to the River Styx sat huddled at Yusuke's noddle stand it was a rather cheery evening of free meals and reminiscing.

"I must say, I'm rather glad I didn't have to witness the whole Dark Tournament bit—Shuichi made it out to be quite gruesome," Yuu said at one point, and shook his head at the thought.

Yusuke chuckled, "Yeah well, it was pretty bloody."

"Yeah. Kurama kinda got in some rough spots too, but we all did," Kuwabara said around a mouth full of noodles.

There was a round of agreement from the group that had been on the island so many years back.

"So, Kurama, what was the worst part of it all?" They all let their eyes fall on the fox in human clothes.

"Oh, I'd say Karasu for sure!" Botan piped up and sent a round of shivers down everyone's spines.

"Or maybe that freak with the paint brush. Ugh, I thought we'd have to strip him down in the middle of the ring.

"Hn. I remember you being passed out at that point. How would you know?"

"I was totally awake!" Kuwabara squawked.

"Nah, I'd say it was the humidity.

Everyone turned to look at Yusuke. He was smirking quite pointedly at the fox. "Remember how puffy his hair was those first few days?" The half demon grabbed his sides as laughter overtook him. It was quite contagious. "He could have passed for Jin!

Kurama sighed, "Yes, yes, laugh it up." He'd get them back, he always did.


	2. Physical Lackings

**Notes: **Based on the commentary for the last episode, but more specifically a comment made by Chuck Huber as Kurama ascended the steps to the temple.

**Physical Lackings **

Hiei was brooding again. Kurama figured it could very well be the weather for it was the rainy season and his surly little friend was not a fan of the wet. The fox didn't let it bother him, but where was the fun in having Hiei over without teasing him some?

"If you keep scowling at that tree its leaves will fall off."

"Hn. You could just replace them." But Hiei turned his sharp gaze from the tree to his redheaded partner. He stood there for some time just staring.

"I don't have leaves to loose, but you might turn my hair silver sooner then I plan," Kurama mused as he worked on the chore that was homework.

Hiei huffed, and did what he did best: spouted out a rather unexpected question. "How do you walk?"

No more the half a beat went by before Kurama smiled slyly and said, "With finesse and elegance. Tell me, how do _you _walk?"

Hiei harrumphed again. The rain was surely behind his attitude. "That's not what I meant, Kurama. From what I understand, humans, and most creatures that rely on two legs to carry them, use the muscles in their butts to keep them upright when standing and to propel them forward in movement."

Kurama turned from the desk to stare openly at the fire apparition. A scarlet brow rose.

"Well, you must admit that you have practically no ass. In this form, at least."

"Hiei, be sure to pick your next words carefully," Kurama warned, vain as ever.

"Don't get all worked up, Fox. So you have an underdeveloped back side. Even you can't be perfect. Still, it makes me wonder how you manage to walk.

Kurama sighed and turned back to his homework. "While I am pleased in you quest for knowledge, please refrain from looking through my text books." He hoped the rain would pass.


	3. How Did That Not Happen?

**Notes: **Based on. . . Well, you'll figure it out.

**How Did That Not Happen?**

"So, let me get this straight: You were in her fortres and you were naked?"

"_Yes, _Detective."

"And she was naked. . . And there was some sort of fluid in the mix. . . And you _didn't have sex_?"

"No. For the last time we didn't have sex. I was unconscious."

"Are you sure she didn't like, rape you or anything?"

"Enough! I swear I will kill you if you ask another foolish question."

"Hm, skirting the question. . . She totally felt you up, poor thi—Hey! That wasn't a question Hiei, stop it!"


	4. Doth Thou Hand Wander?

**Notes: **Based on. . . My view of the Dark Tournament. . . And the entire show. If we didn't have Keiko, Yusuke would have a hard time passing as straight. But, eh. I love Keiko—I didn't do this to make her seem terrible.

**Doth Thou Hand Wander? **

Women were scary—and annoying, and bitchy and just plain pests. Demons be damned, irate women could be worse than a round in the Dark Tournament any day.

Shizuru was one badass fucker, but Keiko was _noisy._ Like, ungodly noisy.

"Dammit Yusuke, I can't believe you!"

"Would you tell me what I fucking did already?" the boy shouted back, his throat tight from frustration and over exertion. They had been at it for a while and he was afraid Hiei was going to skin something. Hopefully Kuwabara.

"Oh don't give me that, you know what you did. You can't deny it, either. You were _so_ feeling him up out there—everyone saw it!" the girl spat, fists planted on her hips.

The room fell silent. There was a collective huh, and a few heads tilted. He had been getting handsie with someone? Why hadn't he been aware of it?

"You were all over Kurama! And don't think you can bs your way out of it.

Big brown eyes blinked in confusion, blood rushing to the spirit detective's face. "I-I was not," he stammered. "You're being stupid!"

Okay, so that wasn't his best comeback.

"Besides, sometimes you have to unintentionally molest a guy to save 'em—not that I was!"

"Well, I feel vaguely violated," the redhead muttered from across the room. "And I detest alliteration."

"See, he's not gay!"

A longsuffering sigh, then, "That's not what alliteration means, Kuwabara.

The carrot top hunkered down on his side of the couch with a sheepish noise that wasn't articulate enough to be a word.

"Besides, that idiot had his hands all over Hiei when he pulled him out of the ring—why don't you go yell at him!"

"I did not!" Kuwabara shouted, his face red at such a thought.

Across the room, Hiei looked up dangerously. The fox simply shook his head. One fight was enough for the evening, no need to pursue another.

"All I know is that any one of your team mates can go out and risk it all, get beat to a pulp, and then lay on the sidelines near death and all you do is get a little pissed. But if one of those nasty demons even _looks _at Kurama the wrong way you flip shit!" Keiko accused, and team Urameshi had to give her some credit, even if they were leaving their captain to fight this one alone. "He's the only one you leave the ring to talk to when there's a fight to be had. So tell me Yusuke, what's going on?"

The detective didn't really know what to say. Over in the girls' room Puu was likely going crazy.

Keiko sighed, and with a roll of her eyes shot her boyfriend in question a tired, "Whatever." She headed out the door with Yusuke hot on her heels. He'd smooth it over because that was one thing he _was_ good at. He'd have to propose, and probably beg, but she was the only one for him and she knew it. So it was okay if he gave the fox a little extra care, he'd always be with Keiko in the end.

That didn't mean there wasn't an awkward silence settling into the guys' room. Kurama just ignored the questioning eyes and focused on his homework.


	5. Inherited Traits

**Notes: **Inspired by FF, and the thought of Yusuke accusing Hiei of not having anything downstairs. And a tiny bit by Full Metal Panic Abridged.

**Inherited Traits**

Youko Kurama was plagued by few things. But whenever he saw something shiny, or had a question he just couldn't find the answer too, he got a nervous twitch to his fingers. An itch he couldn't scratch. Either he had to take what he wanted, or ask an outside source for the knowledge he yearned for.

Today he didn't need to steal anything.

The fox peered at what was likely the only source of an answer to his question and sighed. Hiei was so often disagreeable when Kurama had questions. He needed to know though, so he should just ask. He just had to find the right way to do it.

"What is it, Fox?" Hiei asked as he dealt a new hand to himself and Yusuke. Genkai's temple could get boring, and they found a common interest in poker.

"You're thinking too loudly, Red," Yusuke teased.

Green eyes looked up at Hiei with a bit of reproach and yearning. They wouldn't play with him. _Apparently_, he _cheated_. Sore losers, they were. Kurama ran a hand through his hair and shrugged elegantly. "I just had a thought come to me the other day, and I can't figure something out."

"That must be horrible," Hiei deadpanned.

"Yes, well, it's about you actually." The fox didn't let his friend's attitude wound his pride. "Mind helping me?"

"Hn."

"I'll take that as a yes," Kurama chuckled. The airy tone put Hiei on edge. Yusuke, however, just grinned at him in an encouraging way. "I was wondering Hiei, that since Yukina and you are twins, and the koorime reproduce asexually, what will happen when you reach your hundredth birthday?"

Unfortunately, Yusuke burst into laughter. It really had been meant in all seriousness.

From the look on Hiei's face, Hiei couldn't tell if it was all a jest or if Kurama was expecting an actual answer. "Fox," he warned and tried to gauge just what the redhead was up too.

"God, can you imagine a little Hiei?" Yusuke wailed, his cards forgotten as he let the table support his sniggering form.

"It's a valid question Hiei, I was just curious."

"How the hell should I know? Nothing, that's what'll happen," the swordsman riposted.

"Oh. My. _God_. Can you imagine Hiei pregnant? _Think of those mood swings_!"

"Yusuke—"

"Detective, _don't_ tempt me."

"Although, I've never seen the anatomy of an ice maiden, so I don't know how different it is from humans, and I don't know how different your internal structure is either. . ." the fox muttered to himself. He looked ready to grab a scalpel and take a peak—all in the name of science, of course.

"Well, y'know," Yusuke sobered up some, and looked at Hiei meaningfully, "he was naked with Mukuro that one time, and _allegedly_, they didn't have sex. Maybe that's why! Hey Hiei, are you a eunuch or something? Do you even have anything down there?"

That was about all it took. Yusuke ran out of the room, and could be heard shouting, "Watch out for that void!" Hiei chased him into the forest and Kurama still didn't have an answer. Only time would tell.


	6. Growing Concerns

**Notes: **Because really, how does he do it? And as you can probably tell, I didn't know where to end it. xD

I'm about to start summer courses, so I don't know if I'll be post much anytime soon. D; Sad. Also, anyone looking for the commentary, look on Youtube. Best thing I can tell you. They're so worth the hassle!

**Growing Concerns**

"How long have we known each other?"

Kurama took pause as this question, but not for the normal reasons. Normally, when one was asked this question it was because the other party most likely wanted something ridiculous, or hugely inconvenient. Hiei wasn't really your average person, though, so the redhead wasn't sure what the younger man was getting at. "Nearly a year, I'd say." A beat later, "Why?"

Curiosity might have killed the cat, but foxes where far more skilled with it.

"I was just wondering," Hiei murmured, perched high on the top of Kurama's book shelf as though he weighed nothing. "I have another question."

"I'll have to start charging."

Hiei scoffed, "You've got plenty of wealth, don't be greedy." He took a moment, as if collecting his thoughts. This gave the fox enough time to readjust his bookmark to the appropriate page. "You're fully human, besides the traces of youki, correct?" the swordsman asked gruffly. "Your body is fully human, I mean."

Kurama looked up at his partner incredulously. They had already had this conversation. "Yes." What more could he say?

"And so, that being the case, you develop at the rate of other humans, no?"

". . . Yes? Hiei, what is this about? You're asking me a lot of questions and I have a feeling none of them are the one you truly mean."

Hiei grew quiet and directed his gaze to the window as he gathered his thoughts. He didn't want the fox to see him as stupid, so he would say it correctly the first time. Kurama simply waited for Hiei. He knew better than to rush him. Suddenly, Hiei was ready. "I've been watching humans for roughly a year now," he said without warning. "I don't enjoy waiting around at that stupid school you go to. I get bored. So, I started following people. Humans have weak minds so it's good practice for the Jagan."

"And?" Hiei was giving the redhead a look as if that was supposed to mean something. Sometimes Kurama wondered if Hiei forgot who the telepath was in their little duo.

"Well, there's a woman—"

"Hiei, while I value this partnership—and what I believe is shaping up to be a decent friendship—I do not want hear about any relationships you have been forming with women. Humans or demons alike."

"That's not what I'm getting at!" Hiei swore viciously, and if it hadn't been the fact he was as curious a creature as Kurama he would have been out the window. "I've realized that she gets her hair cut often!"

Kurama rolled his eyes. "Honestly? You know I'm growing my hair out for a reason. Is that what this is all about, the fact I don't blend in well enough with what _you _consider normal human behavior?"

"That's not my question," he said dangerously, losing his cool. "The fact is, she, and all the others I watch, get their hair cut regularly. I've noticed that it grows about half an inch in the course of a month for most of them. . . "

Now he could see where this was going. Dammit.

"My question, Kurama, is that since your body is human, how is that your hair has grown over a foot in length in less than a year?"

Hm.

What to say?

Why was Hiei so damn observant?

Well, his secrets are his own. . .

"Hiei, I'm very busy planning this heist, could you do something useful and go see if the idiot Gouki has considered our proposal?"

"Hn." A black blur flew through the quiet, little yard, and for a while longer his secrets were safe.


	7. Dress the Part

**Notes: **So, I've been gone for a while. Had some crazy real life stuff happen, not sure when I'll be back again. This is based off of the movie _Poltergeist Report_ (Which I can't decide if it fits into the time line before or after the fourth season so let's say after? But for some reason everyone is still hanging around the temple? What?) and also any time you happened to see Youko throughout the series.

**Dress the Part**

"Can I ask a question?"

"No."

"I wasn't talking to you Hiei, so butt out!" Yusuke fumed, which Hiei pointedly ignored in favor of watching the tree line. Poker had ended in too many arguments so Kurama had made them quit for the day. As previously stated, the temple could be very boring.

Kurama looked up from his reading, for once not doing homework, and his shoulders fell with a soft sigh. "Yes, I suppose you could."

Yusuke did the most worrying thing to date and looked completely unsure of himself. The fox braced himself for that meant it must be a delicate question and Yusuke sucked at delicate. "So, um, I'm kinda hoping this isn't too soon or anything. . . But um, it's about your past. Y'know? Er, Kuronue specifically."

"Honestly, did they not give you communication skills when you were in Makai? Or your human school for that?" Hiei sneered, and Kurama quietly thanked him for the slight distraction. Hiei was always one to look out for his own, but Kurama was fine with talking of the past.

Before Yusuke could raise to the bait, Kurama waved a hand encouragingly in his direction saying, "Ask Yusuke, it's fine."

Yusuke went from prickly back to unsure, but nodded and cleared his throat. "So, that demon we fought. . . You said he was an exact copy of him?"

"Yes." These questions were getting old, but the fox was a master at polite control.

"So. . . You two were top thieves?"

Hiei rolled his eyes at that one, but Kurama gave an affirmative once more.

"Are you sure you two weren't like. . . Male strippers on the side? I mean, no offence but you had some interesting fashion sense. For thieving? Seriously? I've seen what Youko wore."

Polite control was wearing thin, and perhaps Yusuke was starting to see that subtle change for he gave a rushed, "never mind," and found a fast excuse to go check on Yukina.

Hiei turned curious eyes to the fox, who scowled at his unstated accusations. "We weren't."

"If you say so. Yusuke makes a valid point though, for once."

Kurama honestly wasn't sure why he hung out with these people anymore.


End file.
